Hello! I am Reverend Hugh. Welcome to My sacred website, where you can find information about Myself and many of My miraculistic products, some of which are not even available in stores.
I am a fully licensed and ordained minister, but I am also a salesman. I have had a hard life, and many sorrows along the way, but I have repented. I REBUKE THEE, SIN!
Since I am also an honest man, I will tell you my story, but be not surprised if you find yourself wiping away a tear from your innocent eyes after reading of my misfortune!
It all started when I was found a foundling on the front steps of the Virgin Birth Orphanage in Jerusalem, Ohio. I had a difficult childhood due to my frequent disagreements with the monks about the lack of severity in their punishments of the other foundlings. I was not a popular child.
Due to my brilliant mind and serious spiritual nature, I was given scholarships to the best religious schools in the country. A talented musician, I often toured with my "Up With People" style singing group, the All-Star Troy Patriotic Revival Committee. We played hundreds of campuses during the early 1970's, and urged people to support the Vietnam War.
After graduating with a Doctorate of Prophecy and Advanced Studies in Biblical Interpretation and Tithery, I moved to Florida in 1979 and set up my Ministry in a double-wide trailer. I performed baptisms in the soak tub, and saved hundreds of souls from witches and the fires of Hell.
During the '80s and '90s, I started touring much of the country in my brand new mobile chapel, performing mass gay weddings in towns like Topeka, KS (I married over 100 couples from a Baptist church there!), Macon, GA, and Falls Church, VA. Although my decision to marry homosexuals was seen by a few as controversial, I firmly believe that God did not intend for me to shun individuals with disposable income. My thanks goes out to all the supportive congregations I encountered along the way!
In the interests of full disclosure: This is a mugshot from an unfortunate misunderstanding I had with the Dallas Police Department in 1982. I blame Satan's influence. See the libelous Wanted Poster (trial pending). JPG or PDF
In my many travels, I was very troubled to see so-called-Ministers spreading a misplaced message of hate and intolerance. Now, hatred is a very, very important part of Christianity, as it is in most religions. Intolerance too is a long-cherished religious value. We wouldn't have the Crusades or World Wrestling without them. But who would God hate?
I spent years thinking about this, high as a kite on No-Doz, and careening down highways in my Mobile Chapel. In this state, my mind was working at top speed. I was having thousands of thoughts every second. It was at that point that I had My Extra-Strength Vision.
My lifelong passion before My Extra-Strength Vision occurred was ministering to my flock in Florida, touring the country and officiating at mass gay weddings. I wanted to be the Sun Myung Moon of homosexual marriage. I was making a small fortune, and was well on my way to buying the mass wedding franchise out from the Unification Church. Then tragedy hit.
Terrible hurricanes came to Florida in the summer of 2004. The first one caused my chapel to lean a little, but it was otherwise ok. Then the second one came and destroyed the front-end of my trailer chapel. The third hurricane was like God salting the earth. During one storm, as my money and belongings were swirling in the air around me, I had a vision of Saint Joseph of Haramathea. I knew that he had suffered as I had because he had a log embedded in his back. He told me to move to upstate New York, and start my own teleministry.
St. Joseph of Haramathea confirmed everything in My Extra-Strength Vision except for the penguins. It is now 2005 and my teleministry, The Power of Change, is in production at a local public cable station on a meager budget.
I'll be posting clips and past episodes on this site for supplicants outside the Albany area.
I have been arrested. Your generous donations are appreciated.
- Rev. Hugh Pokrit
Rev. Hugh Likes & Dislikes:
Favorite Color: Forgiveness
Smite or Turn the other cheek? Smite repeatedly
Person I Most Admire: So hard to choose - Jimmy Swaggart or James Watt
God I Most Admire:
The Christian One.
Favorite Inquisition Torture Device? Definitely the Iron Maiden.
Favorite Virtue: Commerce
Best Personality Trait: My Domineering Nature and Manliness
Old Testament or New Testament?
Qualities I Admire in Women: Docility and Barefootedness
Favorite Sport: Televised executions
Should Prosteletizing to a Prostitute and Giving Her Money for a Hot Meal in Texas Be a Crime? NO
Favorite Godless Television Program: Morning Yoga Sweat with Buxom St. Marie
Catchphrase: Who here has any pocket change? Alternatively: I can absolve my own sins.
Will Divorced People Be Left Behind? Yes, real ministers do not approve of divorce, and will rightly shun you.
For Whom Does Satan Reserve his Extreme Torments? Non-tithers.
Most Important Book of the Modern Era: The Rev. Hugh Pokrit Titanium Bible
What Is Your Most Cherished Possession? My Wedding Night Sheet that the Sisters at the Virgin Birth Orphanage gave to me. The embroidery around the modesty hole is lovely, and has silky nubbins for my future bride's pleasure. Ladies?
Rev. Hugh, Are You a Dog or a Cat Person? I don't know if I want to get into any controversial issues on this website.
You Seem Remarkably Sensitive For Such a Manly Man! Yes, I am.
Any Advice For Heathens? Buy Rev. Hugh's Rapturous Bronzer, which you will surely need in the End Times.
More fun facts about Rev. Hugh are coming up!